Should You Do a First Look Wedding? Pros, Cons, and Real Stories
Let me tell you a story about a couple who were absolutely set on skipping a first look wedding.
When we first chatted, they told me, “We want to keep things traditional. No first look, no exceptions.” I respected that because it was their story and their day.
But as their wedding unfolded, nerves hit them hard. She was pacing in her bridal suite, gripping her bouquet. He was standing up front, bouncing his leg, trying to keep it together. And when the aisle moment finally came, it was powerful, but afterward, she admitted she could barely remember it. Her adrenaline was so high that the moment felt like a blur.
That is what a first look wedding can change. It is not mandatory, but it does create space to calm down, connect, and breathe before walking into the whirlwind.
First Look Wedding vs First Touch: What Is the Difference?
A lot of couples ask me if a first touch is the same thing as a first look wedding. It is not. They are two very different experiences that create two very different types of memories.
What a First Look Wedding Is
A first look wedding is when you see each other before the ceremony. It is face-to-face, emotional, and usually gives you time to talk, hug, cry, laugh, or even exchange vows privately. It also frees up your timeline, because portraits and wedding party photos can be taken earlier in the day.
What a First Touch Is
A first touch is when you do not actually see each other, but you connect in a different way. Most couples stand on opposite sides of a door, a wall, or a corner. You can hold hands, read letters to each other, or share a quiet prayer. It is about grounding yourself and connecting emotionally, without giving away the full reveal of walking down the aisle.
Why Couples Choose a First Touch
- They want to keep the tradition of saving the reveal for the aisle, but still want a calming, intimate moment beforehand.
- They like the idea of praying together, reading vows privately, or exchanging letters without having to face a full audience.
- They want the reassurance of hearing their partner’s voice or feeling their hand, while still keeping the anticipation of that aisle moment.
Emotional Differences
- A first look wedding gives you the visual and emotional reaction upfront, in a private setting.
- A first touch keeps the visual reveal sacred for the ceremony but still allows you to share emotions in a smaller, quieter way.
Both are powerful, but they serve different purposes.
Tips to Make a First Touch Meaningful
Communicate with your photographer. I can help set the scene so it feels natural and private, without being staged or awkward.
Choose the right location. A solid door, corner, or archway works best so you do not accidentally see each other.
Decide what you want to do in that moment. Do you want to pray, exchange gifts, read letters, or just hold hands and breathe together?
Keep it short and intentional. A first touch works best when it calms your nerves and centers you, not when it becomes a long drawn-out moment that delays the ceremony.
Myth #1: If You Do a First Look Wedding, You Will Miss Out on the Aisle Moment
This is the number one worry I hear. Couples think if they do a first look wedding, the aisle will not feel as powerful. But here is the truth. A first look wedding and the aisle moment are two completely different emotional experiences.
- The first look wedding is private. It is calm, quiet, and where you can actually talk to each other. It is your space to say, “Wow, you look amazing,” without a hundred people staring.
- The aisle moment is shared. It is the energy of the music, the eyes of your guests, the celebration of your love. Even if you have already seen each other, walking down the aisle still feels monumental.
I can tell you from photographing countless weddings that couples who do a first look wedding often cry twice. The first time because it is just the two of them, and again because the weight of walking down the aisle in front of everyone is so powerful.
Myth #2: A First Look Wedding Takes Too Much Time
A lot of couples worry that a first look wedding will make their timeline longer or more complicated. The truth is, it often does the opposite.
When you do a first look, you can take portraits, wedding party photos, and sometimes even family photos before the ceremony. That means less rushing afterward, more time for cocktail hour, and a smoother flow into your reception.
Without a first look, all of those photos have to fit into a tight window after the ceremony. Depending on your timeline, that can feel overwhelming and rushed. With a first look, you are spreading things out in a way that makes the entire day feel calmer.
A first look does not steal time. It gives you back more of it to spend with your guests, your partner, and actually enjoying your wedding day.
Myth #3: A First Look Wedding Is Just for Photos
Yes, a first look wedding helps your timeline and your photos. But it is not just about logistics. It is about connection.
The photos are a bonus. You will have beautiful images of that moment, but the real value is the memory itself. The chance to laugh, cry, hug, and talk without the pressure of everyone watching. It is one of the only times during your day where you get to be fully alone together.
Myth #4: If You Skip a First Look Wedding, You Will Regret It
Here is the thing. Not everyone needs a first look wedding. Some couples are genuinely calm without it. Some have timelines that work perfectly with a traditional aisle reveal. Others feel strongly about holding onto tradition, and they are glad they did.
It is not about what you should do. It is about what will make you feel most comfortable and most present.
Pros of Doing a First Look Wedding
- It calms the nerves. So many couples tell me, “The second I saw them, I finally felt better.”
- It frees up your timeline. You can finish portraits and wedding party photos early, which means you actually get to enjoy cocktail hour.
- Private vows. If public speaking makes you nervous, a first look wedding is the perfect place to share your vows.
- More time together. Instead of waiting until halfway through your wedding to see each other, you start the day side by side.
Cons of Doing a First Look Wedding
- Tradition matters. If you have always pictured your reveal happening at the ceremony, there is no reason to change that.
- Your timeline allows it. An early ceremony or a longer cocktail hour means plenty of photo time without needing a first look wedding.
- You love the anticipation. Some couples thrive on the nerves and excitement of waiting. That is what makes the aisle moment so powerful for them.
A Personal Note: Why I Did a First Look Wedding
When I got married, this was not an easy decision. I had heard all the pros and cons of a first look wedding, but it still came down to something very personal: my husband is not someone who expresses emotions easily, especially in front of a crowd.
If we had saved the reveal for the ceremony, I knew what would happen. He would have been overwhelmed, he would have shut down, and all the emotion I knew was inside him would have been hidden behind nerves and pressure. And honestly, I did not want to miss that reaction. I wanted the real version of him, not the guarded one.
Part of it is just his personality, but part of it is also the veteran side of him. He is military through and through, and emotions in public are not exactly his comfort zone (lol).
So we chose to do a first look wedding.
It was quiet. It was just the two of us (and of course our photographer). And in that space, he let his guard down. I got to see the tears well up in his eyes, feel the way he pulled me in for a hug like he did not want to let go, and witness the goofy emotional him that I had been waiting for and I know he wouldn’t have shown to everyone else. That look in his eyes is something I will never forget. It was the moment where everything shifted and suddenly it felt real; we were getting married.
That first look set the tone for the rest of our day. We walked into the ceremony not as two nervous people trying to hold it together, but as a couple who had already shared a grounding, intimate moment. We felt calm, connected, and ready to take in everything that was about to happen.
For us, it was absolutely the right choice. And that is why I tell couples all the time: a first look wedding is not just about the photos, it is about creating space for emotions that might not come out otherwise. It is about giving yourself permission to experience your day in the way that feels most authentic to you.
Alternatives to a First Look Wedding
Now, please don’t let me story sway you to DO a first look. If you are on the fence, there are other options that let you create a meaningful moment without fully seeing each other.
- First Touch: Hands only, no peeking.
- First Letter: Exchange notes or vows to read before the ceremony.
- Family or Wedding Party First Look: Some of the most emotional photos I have ever taken are with parents or bridesmaids.
Final Thoughts on First Look Weddings
Here is what I have learned after photographing hundreds of weddings and living my own.
There is no one right way. A first look wedding is not required. A first touch is not a backup plan. The aisle moment is not ruined by doing either one.
What matters most is choosing what feels like you. If tradition matters, save the reveal. Focused on privacy and comfort, do a first look wedding. If nerves are real, consider a first touch. Whatever you decide, I will help build a timeline that supports it so you can be calm, present, and fully in the moment.
So, should you do a first look wedding?
Spoiler: maybe. And maybe not. But either way, you will never regret doing what felt right for the two of you.
Here is the truth. A first look wedding is not about checking a box, it is about how you want to feel on your wedding day. My job is not only to capture the photos but to guide you through decisions like this so your day feels relaxed, personal, and true to you. If you are still unsure, I would love to talk it through and help you picture how it could look for your own wedding. Colorado, Arizona, or wherever your story takes you, I am here to help. Reach out today!